


Bad for Goodbyes

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Goodbyes, Heartbreaking, IwaOi Day, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Unhappy Ending, bad at feelings, little angsty, not happy ending, unspoken feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26762167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Oikawa doesn’t know how to say goodbye to Iwaizumi because he's bad at goodbyes. But mostly, because he’s afraid.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Bad for Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Haikyuu! fic on English. It's not my first language, so if you see any mistake, please let me know!  
> This started with me wanted to use a "Friends" dialogue and this is the result. Hope you liked it!

Oikawa doesn’t know how to say goodbye to Iwaizumi because he's bad at goodbyes. But mostly, because he’s afraid.

He had always been seen as a confident kind of guy, but he's full of insecurities and fears. And the only person who is capable of seeing behind his mask is the person that grew up with him: Iwaizumi Hajime. So he doesn't know how to hide his fears and insecurities from him, so he avoids it because he knows he can't lie to Iwa-chan. 

It's after the loss to Karasuno when he manages to speak with José Blanco, the Argentinian player he saw on the court so many years ago with Hajime. And that same night he makes a choice. 

He decided that he’ll go to Argentina with Coach Blanco and figured out his path into Volleyball away from Japan and the generation of monsters that he had met only in Miyagi. He knows more people in Japan have the same insane genius like Tobio or Ushiwaka. 

But the fear of leaving Japan is there. Close to his chest. He doesn't want to be held back, he also doesn't want to hold someone else back. He doesn't want to wait for Hajime to realize how he feels about him and can't ask him to wait for him while he's in Argentina. 

He had talked with Hajime after his last match together against Karasuno and there it was the promise that they'll defeat each other in the future. But nothing else. Not a confession, not love promises. Just to surpass the other who has been on their side for so long. And for that, they need to grow stronger away from each other but the idea of doing that separately is still scaring Oikawa. It hurts but he knows it's necessary. 

So he decided to tell the good news to other people first before spitting it to Iwaizumi and ruin everything. 

He first told his family. His mom and sister cry a little but they're happy for him. They hug him and talk about how much they'll miss him. Takeru asks so many questions about Argentina and how Tooru will communicate if they don't speak Japanese. And his dad put a hand on his shoulder and told him that he fully supports that he follows his dream, that he believes in him. 

They don’t try to stop him and that’s a relief for him. There will be no sad or awkward goodbyes. 

After that great reaction, Oikawa speaks with Makki the next day. They both go to eat ramen together and that's when Tooru told him. Makki looks shocked at first but after a minute, one big and mug grin blooms on his face.

“You know? I'm not even that surprised. We knew you will chase the volleyball for life, you psycho” he said. "I just didn't know you'll go all the way around the globe for that".

“It’s a great opportunity. I will never make it big in Japan, Makki-chan” Oikawa admits, even if Makki isn't judging him. “Not if I want to overcome Tobio and Ushiwaka.”

"I know, did you see their match? It was crazy, those guys are monsters." 

"And I'll beat them, Makki, I know I will."

Oikawa knows he may sound so competitive. But this is more than that. This is him following his dream when he thought it was impossible after not going to nationals either in junior high or high school. But Makki doesn't judge, he listens and understands. 

“When will you leave, captain?”

“After graduation”

“Have you told Iwaizumi?”

“Not yet. But I'll do it soon.”

Hanamaki doesn't say anything more but Oikawa knows he's had noted the tension after the mention of Iwaizumi. The mention of that name makes Oikawa tense all over his body and his smile fades away.

And Oikawa is sure that Makki knows that he hadn’t told anything to Iwa-chan and doesn't plan to do it soon either. Not because he doesn't want it but because he doesn’t know how to tell him that he'll put an ocean between the two of them, who have been together almost since birth. How to put in words that they, who hadn’t been apart from each other for more than a day, now will be on each side of the planet.

So he doesn’t tell him that day. Oikawa doesn't have a bit of a hurry to speak of the topic with Iwaizumi yet. So he doesn't say anything more about that and makes Makki promise he won't tell him either. 

Time passes by and he doesn't get the courage enough to tell his best friend anything. And the day before his graduation, when they share a movie marathon at Iwaizumi's house, he's the first to talk. Iwaizumi asks him what he will do from now on. And Oikawa doesn’t have the guts to tell him, so he just shrugs.

“Don’t give me that shit”, said Iwaizumi. “I know when you’re lying”

“But I’m not, Iwa-chan. I don't know.”

And that’s it. He doesn’t tell his best friend. And Oikawa isn't lying. He really doesn't know how the thing will go when he arrives in Argentina. His dream could come true or shatter right in front of his eyes.

So he decided no to tell his lifelong crush that he’ll be miles away from him because he’s so scared. So scared of not being able to go because it hurts him thinking about not seeing his Iwa-chan every day. He’s scared of how much he’ll miss him and he also doesn’t want to hold him back with promises. He's confident in his dream. Even if that means breaking his own heart in the process. 

He knows he can ask Hajime to go with him either. He may reach his dream if he follows the path that Coach Blanco had point it to him. But that's not Hajime's dream.

And Tooru may be an egoist person about everything. But not about Iwaizumi Hajime. 

A week before he took his plane to the other side of the world, he started to say his goodbyes to the few people he cares about. First, he goes to his coaches to thank them and tell them about his plan. His coaches wish him luck with his crazy plan and hope he made it big out there. They have trust in Tooru's talent and that means so much to him. 

Then to his two other friends: Makki and Matsun, who teased him and joked about how he will suffer without the milk bread in Argentina. But they had a great time and made him promise he’d write and visit when he had the chance. They don't ask why Iwaizumi didn't join them, and Tooru is grateful for that. 

The days pass by without any problem. Except that Tooru still doesn't dare to speak to Hajime. So the day before his departure, he spent the entire day with his family. And Hajime still doesn't know about his plan.

Everything is calm and nostalgic until the night falls on Miyagi and he hears a knock on the door.

Tooru is surprised because they don't expect any visitors but he goes to open the door just to find Iwaizumi Hajime standing there. With a frown and that look on his face that could terrify anyone, even Oikawa. Not because he’s angry, but because he looks so hurt and disappointed.

“Oi, Shittykawa, so I don’t deserve a goodbye from you?”

Oikawa is speechless. Hajime is staring at him with such intensity that Oikawa feels like he's reading his mind. He just mutters quietly: “Iwa-chan, Who told you?”

Iwaizumi laughs bitterly.

“Who doesn’t? Your mom, your sister, Takeru, and now Hanamaki And Matsukawa. They told me that you are leaving tomorrow. They remind me that it seems like I don’t deserve a goodbye from you”

“That’s not the case, Iwa-chan. I…”

“After all we’ve been through," Iwaizumi interrupts him, "I can’t believe this is how you want to leave things between us, Oikawa. Have a good time in Argentina.”

And that's all he says before he turns around and leaves. He looked so hurt and upset that Oikawa was in shock for a moment but he managed to react immediately. He closed the door of his house and ran after Hajime.

Tooru can see him a couple of blocks away, with his back resting on a wall and his gaze on the night sky of Miyagi. Tooru stops in front of him, puts his hand over his shoulders, and when their eyes meet, Oikawa confesses his fear before Iwaizumi could say anything:

“You really think I didn’t say goodbye to you because I don’t care? I can’t believe that after all this time you don’t know me that well, Iwa-chan?” Tooru says, with a sad smile on his face.

“Then why…?”

“Because it is so damn hard, Hajime." His first name slipped from his tongue with so much pain, "I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I’m gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, not hearing your laugh or your scolds every damn day, it makes me not want to go. So if you think that I didn’t say goodbye to you because you don’t mean as much to me as everybody else, you’re wrong! Is because you mean more to me that I can’t explain to you with words”

He doesn’t know when he started to cry. He knows he’s an ugly crier but he doesn’t care at this moment. Not now that he had his heart on his hand and the person he loves the most in front of him, speechless.

He waits for Hajime to say something. To even hit him. Anything. But all he found was silence. There’s a silence between them while they stare into each other's eyes: Tooru’s full of tears and Hajime’s full of surprise. The expression on Hajime’s face softens after a couple of seconds and he cups Tooru face in his hands in a gentle move that makes Oikawa gasp. 

“You idiot. I’ll miss you too. But I can…”

“Don’t, Hajime” Tooru interrupts him, touching the hand that is cupping his face, “Don’t wait for me. Don't go with me. I don’t want to hold you back”.

“Shut up, dumbass”

All Oikawa can sense after that is a pair of soft lips pressing on his own. And it took him one second to kiss him back.

Finally, he’s kissing his lifelong crush. And he feels so happy and so sad because this is happening on the eve of his departure to Argentina. They don’t say anything. They share a hug and when they break the hug apart, they share more kisses. Shyly at first but more and more passionate with every new kiss. They say everything with those kisses but they don't make promises and even if their hearts are breaking, they don’t say it out loud.

Oikawa doesn’t want to hold back his Iwa-chan, he doesn't want to stop Hajime in the search of his dreams. And he knows Hajime will never step in the way of his dream either. So they share that night like it is the end of the world. Because it feels like that. And maybe it is for them.

But after that night, they keep chasing their dreams. Apart from each other. Without promises and with their heart broken.

They keep contact, but they don't talk about the unspoken thing they have. At first, they say "I love you" and "I miss you so much" occasionally . But that stops eventually.

At first, they travel to see each other when they have the chance, and because Iwaizumi moves to California, it's less trouble to travel to meet. But that stops too with the time. And they don't resent that to the other. Because both of them understand the other. They understand that search for their dream and the both of them know that it will be more painful to say goodbye to the other, so they accept quietly how they are breaking apart from each other. They share an unspoken vow. Never talk about their feelings to not back down, they know the importance of the other in their lives. And at first, that's enough.

After a couple of years. Is Tooru who regrets that vow first. He regretted it all. But mostly, the things he didn't say at the right time. And all that guilt and pain invades him one night, it's so powerful that he think he may die right here right now.

His world end that night, when he saw a message in the chat group with a photo of a couple. Is a picture of Hajime and some girl he doesn’t know at all. Some girl that maybe Hajime had told him about but he didn’t pay so much attention. And now he regrets that. Because with the photo there is a text from Hanamaki that read: Congratulations on the engagement, Iwaizumi.

And he knows his heart will never be complete again after that. He just texts a dry “Congratulations, Iwa-chan” when what he really wants is to tell him that he did want Iwaizumi to wait for him. That he loves him more than life. But he was scared of promises and goodbyes. 

He still has fear. And maybe, he wonders, he wouldn’t have so much fear if he was with his Iwa-chan by his side. But now it’s too late for any promises. And all he has is the memory of their last goodbye on the streets of Miyagi.

Their first and last kiss before goodbye. Before he lost the love of his life because he's bad at goodbyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you if you read all the way here and i'm sorry! It may be a second part when I fix it and they end up together but I don't know yet. Hope you liked! Kudos and comments are welcome!


End file.
